Okay, it's time to blog!!!

Okay, the short version because I'm not ready to tell the long story. I have been having problems with my stomach, sleeping problems and some mental health issues that make me sad and I seem to cry for no reason. I had a very long visit with my doctor (he noticed something was wrong when I was there when Dave had an appointment and insisted I see him). Both Dave and Kristen offered to go with me, but I felt I needed to see my doctor by myself, and while I shared most of my visit with both of them, I just wasn't comfortable with them being in the room while I was with the doctor.

My doctor is now setting up an appointment to see a gastroenterologist to help with all my stomach problems (diarrhea, loss of appetite, pain when I do eat) and I am waiting for his office to call me. I am also going to see a doctor who specializes with sleep disorders to see if we can take care of that problem also.

My doctor is also setting up an appointment with a psychiatrist to talk with me and monitor the medications that I take for my depression, anxiety and panic attacks. I have heard that this psychiatrist is very good. The only thing that scares me about this doctor is that he likes to "invite" my family - husband, daughter, mother, brother and sisters, friends or anyone else who he thinks might help me solve my problems. He likes to see how the family and friends interpret what is going on in my life and how they feel about it and how supportive they might be with the treatment plan. This scares me to death, but maybe it is just what I need.

Anyway, I feel I am on the right track now and maybe after a while all my blogs will be about positive things!!!!

Wow, has it really been that long since I blogged???

I can't believe I have not blogged in such a long time. Just no excuse, just lazy on my part. My brain is so full of thoughts I don't even know where to begin. It has been exhausting taking Dave to physical therapy every day for the last month and then rushing home to cook dinner. I have been deeply depressed in the last month and can't seem to get passed it and I don't know what I am going to do. I find myself crying for no reason and just want to sleep all the time and then I am awake most of the night. I think my sleep pattern has contributed to a lot of my depression. I took Dave to see our doctor on Feb. 26th for follow up on his back and the doctor noticed something because when we were leaving he told me that he wanted to see me and asked the nurse to make me an appointment for the next time I could get in as the last patient of the day - which gives us lots of time to talk without him worrying about another patient waiting for him. If he noticed, I guess I am in bad shape. My appointment is on March 10th at 4:30. It seems so far away, but I know it will be here sooner than I think.

I invited Dave's sister, Von and her boyfriend, Mike, over on Feb 21st for Dave's birthday lunch. The surprise was on us. On January 21st, they went to City Hall in San Francisco and got MARRIED. They have been together for over 30 years and just now decided to get married. They have had their ups and downs over the years, but always seemed to find their way back together, so I am happy for them. Von is 63 and Mike is 61, so I guess you really can find happiness at any age!!!! I have to say that I was a little tense about them coming to visit. I have not talked to Von since her mother died last summer and she didn't help with any of the things that go with the death of a parent and I guess I was just a little pissed that she didn't help with the clean up or the garage sale. We spent the afternoon looking at 3 boxes of pictures of her family so that she could take the ones she wanted. There were actually 4 boxes of pictures, but it got late and frankly we were all a little tired of looking at pictures!!! She ended up taking about 1 box (I'm talking moving box size, not shoe boxes), so I still have 3 boxes with pictures, photo albums and picture frames to either pack away, throw away or put on display!!!!!

Dave and I went to Jackson on his birthday, Feb. 23rd and had a good time. We didn't really win anything, but hit enough little jackpots to keep us there all day. Dave actually came home with $100 more than he started with and I hit a jackpot on the Wheel of Fortune quarter machine for 1,000 quarters so that was fun. Dave hit a lot of $100 jackpots on the $1 machines, but after a while we put most of it back in the machines. It was a fun day and I'm glad we went.

I have had a terrible headache for the last month that just doesn't want to go away. I teased Dave that I must have a brain tumor!!!! It is probably just a combination of depression, sleep disturbance, not having a job. It is really starting to affect the pocketbook!!! I never made that much money but it was nice to have a little extra and not have to count pennies!!!

I will try to blog more often, but to be honest, last week Dave was on vacation and I only turned my computer on once the whole time. I have lost interest in doing just about everything. I never read the paper (I used to wake up eager to read what was going on in the world and the big city of Lodi), it takes me 3 weeks to read a book (used to read 2 or 3 a week), TV is just noise to me now and I don't want to really talk to anyone. I only call mom because I don't want her calling Kris or Dave to see why I am not answering my phone. I think I just need a vacation all alone!!!!

I will try to do better about blogging, but I am not making any promises. Just don't give up on me!!!!